Friday 23^rd September – Francois Hollande is talking tough about the Calais ‘jungle camp’, vowing to close it and relocate the inhabitants in weeks. They will be transferred to reception centres around France as their cases are examined. Migrants who do not seek asylum will be deported. It is not often that we agree with the French President but in this he is absolutely correct. If migrants do not seek asylum they have no right to stay in France or to move on to another European country. If Hollande walks the talk it will send a clear message to migrants who are travelling the length of Europe to target their ‘preferred countries. If the migrants begin to understand that failure to claim asylum in the first safe country they reach will result in immediate deportation the dangerous sea journeys might cease.

     Saturday 24^th September – a woman in Moscow has been killed by a tram.  She stood in the middle of the tram tracks to look at her phone and we hope she received a happy message since it was to be her last. Clearly she hadn’t downloaded the ‘beware the tram’ app!!

    In an interview with Andrew Marr earlier in September Owen Smith said he was 100% sure he could win the Labour leadership. With the polls saying mission impossible we wondered which cloud he lived on. After his massive win, Corbyn told Smith they were part of the same Labour family. We feel fairly sure that JC views Smith like the relative nobody mentions when talking about their family.   

    Sunday 25^th September – Scotland is famous for many things but we’ve had some doubts about their deep fried delicacies – Mars bars, etc. But the latest one we’ve seen has to be the weirdest – deep fried pizza. It seemed unimaginable but a taste might change your mind – but only a tiny taste. It seems sure to catch on and reduce life expectation even further in Scotland.

    Hundreds of skinny dippers bared all and dashed into the freezing North Sea in Northumberland this morning. The annual event is a fund-raiser for the charity MIND and the event is now in its fifth year. The charity gives first class support to those with mental problems and may be required to give aid in future to anybody who skinny dips in the North Sea on a regular basis.

    Monday 26^th September – Clinton v Trump became insignificant as conspiracy sites reported that asteroid 2009ES was on course to collide with earth. The 10-mile wide asteroid would strike earth with the force of three billion nuclear bombs. There’s a thought. But rest easy, the conspiracy theorists got it wrong and the asteroid passed by without causing a ripple. NASA claims to have detected about 97% of the ‘planet killer’ asteroids and say that no large object is likely to strike earth in the next several hundred years. Since that threat has gone we can get back to the big debate. With the polls suggesting a close run thing, will ‘The Donald’ be the biggest asteroid to strike in the near future. Perhaps the real decision for the American people is much simpler. Clinton will offer more of the same while Trump offers change.

    Tuesday 27^th September – we can’t keep ‘The Jungle’ in Calais out of the news. Reports that female aid workers are travelling there for sex generated a few smiles in the pub. We’re on the lookout for the first of those box number ads from men seeking women.

Young man 16-24 approx. seeks a woman from the UK for friendship and perhaps more. He has his own home, fully waterproofed in a pleasant French seaside town. He enjoys socializing and regular strolls along the local motorways to view freight transport. Age is no barrier to the right woman who would like to meet a man with high energy levels.

Ben summed it up quite well. “Maybe these so called aid workers have the wrong definition of relief.”

    Mathias Doepfner, German Chief Executive of publishing giant Axel Springer, says that in the medium term the UK will be a highly attractive alternative to the EU. Freedom to implement a talent-oriented immigration policy would have a positive effect on the UK economy. Nice one Mathias.