The OFSTED row rumbles on and like most situations involving the public sector, with insufficient information for simple souls like us to make a judgment.   Factually, it appears that two Christian free schools have been downgraded, in part for failing to promote diversity.  Surely schools should be measured mostly on their educational achievements.  Asking ten year olds about lesbianism, gay friends of their family and Islam, must inevitably produce confused answers.  To mistake confusion for discrimination takes a very odd mind set.  The head of OFSTED is due to face a Commons Committee this week to spout his platitudes – a pointless exercise. I can’t help thinking that many of the parents from the schools involved would like to sit across a table from the inspectors involved.  That discussion would make interesting television.  While making that comment tongue in cheek, these inspectors should be made to account for themselves to those most affected by their inspection, namely the parents.

    Well, it happened exactly as forecast. Syriza swept to power in Greece, a hairsbreadth from achieving a total majority.  If politicians needed a reminder of people power, this must be the best example for many a year.  The media are shouting about the threat to the euro, but the greatest threat is to Syriza leader, Alexis Tsipras.  Last week he could promise Greek people the earth, this week he has to put his money where his mouth has been.  Isn’t it odd how these old sayings sometimes ring with startling accuracy!  Most economists were clear in their analysis that Greece never met the requirements to be accepted into the euro.  Time simply proved them accurate.  Now comes the crunch.  Tsipras can ignore most of the EU member countries, but he’ll have to go head to head with Angela Merkel, not known for rapid changes of policy and with the German people watching closely.  The most likely result will be fudge, a form of words, an extension of payment that outlives all the protagonists, a solution that no-one understands, face saving politics.  We’re not sure the Greek people will buy that.  If they don’t, Tsipras will fade into the mists of “do you remember?”  The real disaster for the EU will come if Greece leaves the EU, returns to the drachma and thrives in the medium term.  If they prove that there is life after the EU it wouldn’t be a fatal blow, but it could be the first serious wound.

    Support for the Green party has soared in recent weeks according to the pollsters.  I wonder if it will change now Party Leader, Natalie Bennett has published their manifesto.  Zero or negative economic growth to help the planet, gradual abolition of border controls, more support for asylum seekers; I won’t go on.  She makes Russell Brand’s view of politics seem rational and The Monster Raving Looney Party positively attractive.  Still, she’s Australian born and if ever her party got chance to implement their manifesto, she could leave the wreckage of England and head for home.

    Scanning the Sundays and Heather Mills has surfaced.  Pilloried after her divorce from Paul McCartney she seems to have rebuilt her life and will shortly be back on television in the channel 4 show The Jump.  The pictures show that she’s in great shape.  Not only that but she must have balls of steel to do those jumps.  While wishing her well, I couldn’t fail to recall a limerick I put together during her time with Paul. 

                                    They lay upon a grassy bank,

                                    His hands were all aquiver,

                                    He slowly undid her suspender belt,

                                    And her leg fell in the river.

I’ve only included verse 1 – remainder by request!

    Good news in the media generally comes as a surprise and we raised a glass a couple of days ago at the news that Pauline Cafferkey had recovered from ebola and was heading home - one brave lady. She put her recovery down to hi-tech drugs and Irn-Bru.  A few deep fried Mars bars and she’ll be fighting fit again.  

     The fashion for manufacturing strange children’s names has been with us since the flower power days of the Sixties. Yesterday was a first for me. A large, tattooed young woman pushing a twin pushchair with two clearly unhappy children suddenly screamed, “shut up arseface.”  I didn’t like to ask the other child’s name.    

    We should have guessed it wouldn’t last.  After hearing screams of horror from all faiths about the Charlie Hebdo massacre, the gaps are reappearing.  A carefully worded letter from Community Secretary Eric Pickles to 1100 Imams in the UK has produced outrage.  By urging the religious leaders to show ‘men of hate’ that they have no place in Britain’s mosques, he has generated a storm of protest.  The Muslim Council of Britain takes the position that the letter suggests that extremism takes place at mosques. Nothing could be further from the tone or meaning of the letter. If we need examples of intransigence, we need look no further than faiths of every denomination.  Extremism delivers a temporary truce, as in Paris, where all sides link arms and march as though in step.  But give it a week and they will be back in their entrenched defensive positions, identifying slurs that are never overt or meant. Are faith leaders part of the problem rather than part of the solution?  Could it be the fact that the behavior of those of faith frequently makes atheism a more balanced alternative. 

    Picked up a lovely snippet from the USA about a 16 year old that survived a car crash that left him in a coma for two months.  During the coma, Alex Malarkey from Ohio, described being taken to heaven by an angel, where he met both Jesus and Satan.  We can only assume Jesus had problems with his barbecue!  Alex and his father co-wrote a book about his experiences during the coma.  The book became a best seller.  Alex recently went public on the Pulpit and Pen website to say that he didn’t die and go to heaven, just made it all up.  His fans must have believed every word in the book, since they are said to be devastated.  I had a chat to Elvis about the revelation but he just shrugged.  “Some folks will believe anything, man” his only comment.  He’s as relaxed as he always was!  Interestingly, in the Irish American urban dictionary, malarkey is defined as bullshit.  Maybe truth is stranger than fiction.     

    Recent comments in the media suggest that OFSTED have become the diversity police.  One of their inspectors is reported to have asked a ten year old if she knew what lesbians did?  Our crowd discussed that question many times in the pub without coming up with a satisfactory answer, most suggestions unfit for publication.  Perhaps our grandchildren will be able to answer it for us after their next OFSTED inspection. We tried to find a mission statement for OFSTED, unsurprised to find that they couldn’t explain their purpose in a single sentence.  That inability explains a great deal about the organization. If they can’t do it, their inspectors certainly won’t be able to do so. This leads to individuals doing their own thing based on their personal beliefs - to hell with the job. Is it any wonder that parents question the role of OFSTED? It would tick the excellent box if a manager at OFSTED showed the idiot who asked the question about lesbians what an effective manager does.  What are the odds of that happening?   Keep looking for those flying pigs!  This episode did remind me of a great line from a film.  A young boy was told that a lady didn’t have children because she was a lesbian.  His immediate question, "where’s Lesbia?"  Common sense from the mouths of babes!

    Overall, it has been a good week for old gits.  We’ve seen medical research that we readily accept and will apply to our lives.  It began with a study that found seven drinks a week reduced the chance of developing heart failure by 20%.  If that wasn’t enough, another study suggested that eating nuts could be better for us than taking statins.  It didn’t stop there.  The next study found that eating too much salt is less of a threat the older we get.  I doubt we’ll drink more, but our consumption of peanuts and crisps (chips if you’re in the States) will certainly soar as we begin our drive for improved health in 2015

    We often think we’ve seen it all before but doctors have found a patient where they have diagnosed it as an illness.  Permanent déjà vu has been diagnosed as the syndrome from which the young man suffers, Groundhog Day in real life.  We have only suffered it in short bursts, always associated with politicians opening their mouths.  On the same subject, the Chilcot report has been delayed again.  RIP Chilcot.      

    The massacre of civilians in Paris has shocked and horrified much of the world, Europe in particular, with the media fronting experts from every walk of life to try to explain it.  Inevitably, we found ourselves discussing the happenings since our thoughts as residents seem as valid as the experts. Satirical magazines poke fun at the establishment, faiths being prominent members of every establishment. Cartoonists and comedians have no fear of Protestant, Catholic or Jewish faiths, making them the butt of jokes with impunity.  But now, depictions of Mohammed are viewed as blasphemy by Muslims, or even an attack on their identity.  As a result, any cartoon or joke results in fury, threats and violence.  Most media avoid the risk, their immediate step avoidance; appeasement by any other name.  Who better than the citizens of Europe to understand the risks of appeasement?  Charlie Hebdo refused to lie down and have paid an awful price for their principles. Editor, Stephane Charbonnier, said he would rather die standing than live on his knees – we should salute a brave man.  Extremists use any excuse to try to drive a wedge between their and other religions.  They can’t be allowed to succeed. Muslim communities in Europe have generally been welcomed and have thrived in their chosen countries, but they are guests in our culture.  As guests they should accept the differences and learn to live with them. While disagreeing with any satirical mention of their faith, they must stand against the extremists that use it as an excuse.  Only the moderate Muslim communities can lead the drive to out the extremists.  Failure to do so will result in the rise of right wing groups, France and Germany being current examples.  Muslims are living in European countries by choice and must make allowances for the cultures with which they have chosen to co-habit.   

    Rita Ora has never shown up on our radar in the past.  Suddenly she appeared on The One Show last week to promote a new series of The Voice and we all sat up and took notice.  Her plunging neckline was certainly noticeable and generated a number of complaints.  Being kind, we assumed the neckline was to prove her lung capacity as a singer, our immediate reaction that she’d have no problem holding a note.  Ben summed it up rather nicely. “If she leaned forward we could see where she buys her tights,” was his dry comment.  Jez was rather more voluble and has relegated Rihanna to number two in his current singer list.  None of us have watched The Voice but that may change, at least for the first few minutes of each programme.       

    An election beckons and Alastair Campbell slithers quietly into the arena, his task to prepare Ed Miliband for the TV debates.  My immediate thought – there’s never a WMD to hand when you need one.  We’re even willing to travel to find one, provided the journey takes no longer than 45 minutes. RIP Chilcot.  

    Legislation that allows gay weddings has caused Ministers to examine proposals for sweeping reforms to how, what and where ceremonies may take place.  British Naturism is one organization seeking to conduct weddings.  We have nothing against the principle but it could raise a few logistic problems if church is the chosen venue. It could give a whole new meaning to the words “I do”, a ring being the only thing worn, so to speak.  The bride may also have to think hard about her hairdo, particularly if her blonde locks come from a bottle.  Kneeling at the altar might need to be erased from the service to save the embarrassment of guests in the first five rows of pews and the wedding pictures may get banned from Facebook.  That aside, we won’t be rushing to sit in the front pews again if we’re wearing a decent pair of slacks.   

    You can’t get to our age without having a relationship with cancer, sometimes once removed, in three cases too close for comfort.  Hence our anger at the axing of 21 cancer drugs on the basis of cost.  ‘Computer say no’ should only be heard as David Walliams superb riposte in the Little Britain series.  Any organization the size of the NHS will waste a certain amount of money, while government can’t count the black holes into which their budgets disappear. Surely there are better areas to save money than to take away precious months of family life from terminal patients.  It’s time for a petition!   

    Six days into the New Year and are we the only people who feel as though the General Election is next week?  The major parties have run amok in the first few days of the year, claim and counter claim backed by ever increasing amounts of expenditure.  It sounds like a no limit game of Texas hold’em, each leader going check and raise as they hear the promises of the opposition. 

    Labour have made the decision to fight on the ‘survival’ of the Health Service.  Accident & Emergency Departments have slowly submerged under the flood of patients during the holiday, an event that Miliband puts down to Conservative policy.  Interestingly, the problem has been growing steadily since GP’s were given contracts that allowed them to drop out of hour surgeries.  With no available GP during nights and weekends, A&E is the only readily available medical service.  Who on earth introduced these contracts that left us with no GP’s when we need them?  Oh yes, now we recall, it was Labour.  And wasn’t Andy Burnham, Shadow Health Secretary, in charge when Stafford Hospital met targets as patients died on the wards.  Now he bangs the drum as though that never happened.

    It’s no surprise that Cameron has decided that the economy will be their trump card.  Growth performance has certainly improved in the last five years but what about government borrowing?  Osborne trumpets about the reduction in budget deficit but borrowing has barely improved, certainly not enough to trumpet it.  Both parties are talking tough about being in surplus by the end of the next parliament.  I’ll keep looking out for flying pigs!

    And then we have the LibDems. Nick Clegg seems to retain a broad smile as he delivers what could be the longest suicide note in history.  And while on fringe parties I should mention UKIP.  Nigel Farage seems to be keeping a low profile, probably because he has sworn off the booze for January and is frightened to leave the house.  In all probability he’s just waiting for the dust to settle before launching into immigration and the European Union again.  At least he’ll be singing from a different hymn sheet to the other three and one that registers strongly with the electorate. 

   The furore surrounding Ched Evans seems to get louder.  Convicted of rape, he has served his sentence and now tries to return to the only trade he knows, football.  To date three clubs have been keen to sign him but have had second thoughts as on line petitions have gathered support, making club sponsors threaten to step back.  While condemning what Evans did, he was convicted and sentenced within the bounds of our justice system.  Having served his time, he now finds himself on the receiving end of what seems to be our latest form of justice, the Twitterati.  If any club considers employing his talents, the on-line mob use tweets to deliver their own version of justice.  And it doesn’t take long to gather what seems to be a significant number of negative signatures for their petitions.  Oddly, it doesn’t help the female victim of the rape.  Supporters of Evans also have an on-line voice, and their hate campaign has forced the young lady into hiding making her a victim for a second time.  So where will it stop?  Those who raise petitions to try to stop Evans playing football will simply ensure that his supporters make the victims life a hell.  Maybe it is time for those on-line judges to find a better use of their time, which might allow those directly involved to move on.

    Angela Merkel is due in Downing Street today.  It is suggested that Big Dave will take the opportunity to make his case for a reduction in immigration.  I’m sure she will listen, while trying to seem interested.  Then Cameron can revisit his days at Eton as she pulls down his trousers and delivers what we hope will be a gentle caning.  The real problem for Angela will be if Cameron gets re-elected and is forced to let the people decide via a referendum.  Then the decision could be taken out of both their hands.

    Lord Hurd, Foreign Secretary in the early Nineties, has spoken out on the delay to the publication of the Chilcot report, calling it a national scandal.  Don’t hold your breath Douglas.  RIP Chilcot.