An Early post since a holiday beckons, though I’m not going as a ‘married partner’ since I’ve heard nothing from Mariella!  That’s life, but Jez still lives in hope.  

    As predicted, no one is to blame for what happened in Rotherham.  To listen to the main group who could have taken action, they knew nothing, and no one has been disciplined.  Previous reports into the abuse seem to have passed by management without causing a ripple. The happenings sicken the average person and while weasel words pour forth, no action is taken.  This process has become a norm in recent years, events that turn the stomach of the average person resulting in reports, so called apologies and no action.  How long before the next one?  

    Douglas Carswell has put the cat among the pigeons by resigning his Conservative seat and defecting to UKIP.  Rather worse for Cameron, he will cause a by-election and stand on behalf of his new party.  If elected, we’re betting he’ll lose, he would become the first UKIP member to enter the house.  Maybe it’s coincidental, but his resignation came on the day that The Office for National Statistics announced a statistically significant increase in net immigration, up to 243,000 in the year to March.  The figure must register with voters in Clacton, as it will with the country as a whole.  The pressure on housing, schools and the NHS are constant headlines in the media, and in reality, it’s just a numbers game.  We have enough infrastructure and support services to serve our surging population, or we don’t!  Milton Keynes was estimated to have a population of 255,700 in 2013.  How many more Milton Keynes are we going to need? Do the numbers for yourself!            

    It’s hard to turn on the television without finding a ‘foody’ programme.  Masterchef, Jamie Oliver, Hairy Bikers, Gordon Ramsay, Great British Bake-off – the list is endless as they compete to produce outstanding food.  In addition, we’re now seeing photographs of hospital food as served up to patients.  Mobile phones have a lot to answer for!  Clearly there is an issue in some, maybe many, hospital kitchens.  Some of the food shown would be hard to describe but we’d love to see it placed on the tasting table for John Torode and Greg Wallace to take a fork full.  I can’t imagine “needs more seasoning” would be their only comments. 

    At a personal level I can comment, having spent a couple of post-operative days in hospital at the turn of the year.  The food was abysmal and a lengthier stay would have required brought in food.  I didn’t take pictures but one course stands out in my mind.  I didn’t recognize the item on the breakfast plate and had to get a menu to identify it.  As a dog walker I carry a plastic bag to collect what the dog discards, for want of a really tasteless description.  Had I seen the item from the plate in the street, I would have assumed that a dog walker had run out of bags.  It turned out to be a croissant.  I never found out what it tasted like. More importantly, I didn’t go into hospital for the food.  The surgical and nursing care was outstanding, couldn’t have been improved, and while reasonable food must aid recovery, we mustn’t lose sight of the primary objective of the stay.       

    Obama’s press conference on Friday will only be remembered for the suit he wore.  I have a vague recollection that he talked about the problems in Iraq and Syria but his words were lost as I gazed at the suit.  Tan, maybe taupe, definitely won’t be this year’s colour.  I expect boot sales will have racks of similar suits in the near future as any bloke who owns one, drags it from their wardrobe.  At least it fitted where it touched and the owner of whatever label it carried will be praying Obama doesn’t mention their name.  Perhaps with all the flack he’s been receiving, he plans to use his suits in an attempt to get the sympathy vote.  He got mine straightaway!

   

    How on earth could child abuse occur on the scale of that in Rotherham?  Far too easily is our belief.  Driven by the God of diversity, fear of being called racist and political correctness, those in authority kept their heads below the parapet, hoping it would go away.  Some of the guilty bystanders will have retried by now, but many will still be in post. So, can we now expect a raft of resignations and firings?  Of course we can’t.  Instead we’ll have a series of groveling apologies and comments about lessons learned, improvements to be made, while the guilty check their pension contributions.  I’m sure that will satisfy the 1400 victims.  I can already hear the shouts of dinosaurs about our comments and I guess they’re correct.  We were brought up during an era when those in charge applied the old fashioned ‘take names and kick arses’ principle to abhorrent behaviour.  Could it be time for a step back before it’s too late?

    In 2007, the Labour led UK Border Agency signed a contract with US company Raytheon to develop an IT system to monitor immigration.  The aim was to record passengers in and out of the UK.  Most folk accept the massive need for such a system, particularly when British born IS fighters may be trying to return here.  In 2010, Conservative minister Theresa May terminated the contract, perceiving it wasn’t delivering as expected, a year behind schedule at the time.  At that stage we had spent £259.3 million on work carried out.  Terminating contacts can be tricky; it’s what small print is all about.  So it proved in this case as May lost the case, resulting in a breach of contract payment to Raytheon of £224.0 million.  Still, what’s half a billion to the ministers and civil servants who manage our taxes?  You may wonder what happened to the lady, one Lin Homer, who ran UKBA during the majority of that period.  Well, she moved on to run HM Revenue and Customs so you might want to check your tax code pretty carefully.  We treat bankers as pariahs since their greed made the major contribution to the crash in 2008.  Maybe greed is worse than incompetence but the same people pay the bill in the end, don’t we?

    President Obama couldn’t take events in Ukraine lying down and led the world in applying sanctions to Russia.  In March he limited financing to five Russian banks and two energy companies, as well as applying restrictions to high profile individuals close to Putin.  It was only a question of time before the Russian leader hit back.  After careful planning, he has targeted the US economy by closing 3 McDonalds in Moscow and threatening others around the country.  We can’t help thinking he may damage tourism to Russia as visitors are forced to eat pelmini, plov and meatballs rather than burgers.  The lads always thought Putin has been one step ahead of the West as events in Ukraine progressed, but now we have a concern.  Could our chest baring, arms bearing superman be a closet vegetarian? 

    Mariella Frostrup got our applause when we heard about her ‘partner sharing’ idea for holidays.  The plaudits eased a touch when we saw she’d been on a narrow boat, one step up from camping in our eyes.  Jez thought it a great idea but was keen to know if the partner took on all spousal duties.  On the hope that they do, he is available for any married lady who plans a break in a 5* hotel anywhere in the world.  He can travel at short notice.

    Francois Hollande certainly doesn’t hold back if his ministers don’t follow his dictates.  A second dissolution in less than six months suggests he’s trying to set some sort of record during his time in power.  Hollande remains the most unpopular president in over half a century, with a popularity rating around 17%. It seems just a question of time before he hits single digits.  Austerity doesn’t fit the culture of the French, and the fact that the driving force behind it is Angela Merkel makes it a complete misfit.  Hollande’s performance reminds me of a comment by a great French playright and diplomat.

‘Only the mediocre are always at their best’

                                                                                    Jean Giradoux

    Growth in the Eurozone seems to have ground to a halt, even Angela Merkel’s Germany slowing to a crawl.  Cheerleaders for the European Union constantly remind us of how many British jobs are dependent on the common market; three million to use oft quoted figures from Nick Clegg and Danny Alexander. They never mention that the figures are based on a finger in the air treasury assessment from 2003. Added to which, in an answer to a Freedom of Information request in June, civil servants made it clear that this figure ‘is not an estimate of the impact of EU membership on employment’, so why do the Libdems keep quoting it?  Maybe they see Europe as an employment opportunity post election next year.  Of more concern is that no growth in what should be our biggest market could slow our own recovery.  It’s also interesting to note that the Eurozone sells more to us than we sell to them.  It raises the obvious question about how many jobs in Europe are dependent on trade with the UK? Clegg et al say opting out of Europe would cost us jobs, while logic says reciprocal trade creates jobs for both parties. The common market always made sense and still does, but becoming a member of an over regulated, cost soaring federal Europe must raise questions.  Will someone give us the facts?     

    We’ve seen a great piece of research from University College London.  They’ve analysed the drinking habits and physical abilities of 30,000 adults between 45 and 69 years of age, a mix of men and women.  The good news is that those who enjoyed a tipple up to four times a week had greater suppleness than those who were teetotal.  It came as no surprise to our lads since men become better dancers after a few drinks!  Assuming a straight-line progression to the data, we’re about as supple as we can get.  

    It seems pyjamas have become the new street wear. Unsurprisingly, this trend is led by celebrities. We’re not sure if our mate Rihanna has given it a try but it can’t be long if she hasn’t. While on Grandad duties, a couple of us have seen women in pyjamas dropping children off at school, but trendsetters wasn’t the word we used to describe them.  Only Ben thought it a good idea, but having visited him in hospital I know for certain he would need some serious work in the gusset area before he ventured out in his nightwear.  His line of defence, if arrested, “that women breastfeed in public”, wouldn’t carry much weight with the local law in our opinion.  Needless to say, we encouraged him to test the theory.  What are friends for?

    A recent study has discounted the folklore about thieving magpies.  Exeter University’s Animal Behaviour Centre placed metal screws, foil rings and bits of aluminium close to piles of edible nuts.  The magpies ignored the ‘shiny bits’ and fed less in their presence.  So the explanation that many have used for lost rings and bits of jewellery that have actually gone to the pawnshop for cash, no longer holds water.  Jez doesn’t believe the research.  In his view it simply confirms that magpies don’t steal junk.  He reckons they can spot an assay mark at a 100 metres.  

    Wandsworth Prison in South West London seems a great place for a birthday party if you’re a prisoner.  Takeaway food plus a cake, and a few pictures taken on a mobile to be placed on your Facebook page, what could be better?  You might assume Wandsworth is an open prison with day release facilities. Wrong.  It’s category B, locked, difficult to escape from. In an era when security services can monitor calls from mountain peaks in Afghanistan and dispatch drones to return the call with missiles, we can’t stop mobiles being used by prisoners in cells. It’s not as if the users can quickly change their location, or maybe they can!  Like so many problems in society, those in authority simply place the issue in the ‘too difficult’ box and address something easier.

    MP Norman Baker wants cannabis made available to treat medical conditions, but currently sufferers risk prosecution by buying from street dealers.  Wake up Norman, Sativex by GW Pharmaceuticals is already available in the UK for spasticity associated with multiple sclerosis.  Unfortunately, NICE in its wisdom has blocked prescribing on a cost benefit basis.  Never mind, boob jobs and gastric bands are still available on the NHS; after all, we must have priorities.     

    It’s hard to have a beer with the lads without talking about the Middle East.  As Obama is sucked back into Iraq, insisting no boots on the ground, he must be cursing his bad luck.  As his presidency runs down he must have been hoping for more golf, not the re-emergence of genocide in Iraq, a crisis set in motion by G.W and Tony Blair over a decade ago.  Right now, what faces minorities in Iraq at the hands of Islamic State has the potential to exceed Saddam at his worst. Regime change and so-called democracy has been replaced by a holy war. The Crusades lasted from 1095 – 1291CE. Modern weaponry will shorten this war provided action replaces hand wringing, but who knows with politicians.  We don’t need long memories to recall the Rwandan genocide or the Srebrenica massacre.  Immediately after those events, the Western World said ‘never again’.  Perhaps that’s political speak for ‘until the next time’.

     Sun Tzu lived in China 2500 years ago, about the same time as Confucius. He was considered an expert in military strategy, his writings still studied by political and business leaders throughout the World.  One of his principles springs to mind, namely, that ‘a losing general begins a war without knowing how to win it’.  G.W and Blair thought that removing Saddam would be the end rather than the beginning of a war, naïve the kindest word to describe their thinking.  Now both have been able to walk away, leaving others to seek a win.  Perhaps the real issue has now become the definition of win. 

    At our age we think we’ve heard it all before, until now.  Photographer David Slater is taking action against Wikimedia for using a picture of a macaque monkey to which he claims copyright.  Now it seems the picture is a ‘selfie’, taken by the monkey as it played with Slater’s camera.  If accurate, the monkey may own the copyright and ambulance chasing lawyers will be trying to work out how to offer their services to the macaque on a ‘no win no fee’ basis.   We hope the case is televised live since we can’t wait to see the monkey giving evidence.  Even better, his barrister taking the brief!  The picture went viral and our favourite girl, Rihanna hasn’t latched on yet.  Look out for a ‘selfie’ of her and the monkey in the near future.  You heard it here first!

    It must be animal week for the media.  Texas based Celestis Pets are now offering to blast a portion of your pet’s ashes into space aboard a commercial space flight.  For £2400 they’ll send ashes up with a satellite to circle the earth for several years.  We’re assuming Celestis also offer tracking devices so you can wave and shed a tear as your pet passes overhead! If not, they’ve missed a trick. They’re promoting the package as a final adventure for the owner’s pet, but our dogs seem pretty happy to get a biscuit. Our first reaction – what sort of idiot would take up that sort of offer?  And then we remembered the celebrities that dress their dogs in outlandish clothes and carry them in handbags. They’ll form a queue.           

    In October, Royal Mail is launching a series of stamps showing former prime ministers.  The four most recent prime ministers, Churchill, Atlee, Wilson and Thatcher will all be on first class stamps; an obvious reason why Blair doesn’t figure.

    Mark Simmonds, a Foreign Office minister, walked out a couple of days ago, having decided the £120K package doesn’t allow him to follow the family life he requires.  He became an MP in 2001 when MP’s expenses contained more fantasy than Dr Who.  With mortgage interest paid by us he was well set in a second family home in Putney.  But then, thanks initially to The Daily telegraph, we found out about MP’s expenses and the gravy train slowed.  The braking movement generated a whining noise that can still be heard in the Westminster area.  Simmonds name didn’t mean much to the lads, so we’re not sure what he contributed during his time in power, but we doubt he’ll be missed.  An Ethiopian proverb sums up his departure.

     ‘When the great lord passes, the wise peasant bows deeply and silently farts.’

All bend together lads!