We hadn’t seen or heard of The Tremeloes since we shook a leg to them in the sixties. As soon as their names came up we managed an accurate but tuneless rendering of Yellow River and Here Comes my Baby. It is probably due to our age that we even remembered the words. Why did their names come up? Because two of them have been accused of indecently assaulting a girl in 1968. Not a typing error – 1968! A photograph of the two accused, Rick Westwood and Leonard Hawkes, showed two old blokes who could have been on a pensioners outing to the shops. We tried to recollect anything any one of us did in 1968. As a group, we couldn’t think of one specific event from that year – no surprise really. So what will the police use as evidence against this pair, apart from what they’re told by the accuser. The only certainty is that Westwood and Hawkes reputations will be damaged even if the case is dropped. Since the Jimmy Savile events came to light, accusers of old stars have crept out of the woodwork. Over half the accusations have held no water but the mud will stick. It’s time the accusers were made as public as the accused.

    The Siberian city of Novosibirsk had its moment of fame last week. A former soldier, whose wife was a glamorous member of the Kremlin’s United Russia Party, brought their sex in the back seat of her car to an explosive climax by pulling the pin on a grenade. The world moved for both of them, but they were in no shape for a post sex cigarette. 

    An interesting new trend has begun for users of The Underground system in London. A group called Overweight Haters Limited is handing out cards to people on the stations that they perceive as fat – only women as far as we can ascertain. The postcard has the single word FAT on one side and a lengthy message about why they hate Fatties on the other. British Transport police are investigating the handouts that have upset recipients. The company named on the cards isn’t registered at Companies House (there’s a surprise) but it raises interesting possibilities. Getting knocked from pillar to post in the rush for a tube isn’t unusual, shouting as trolleys are rammed into your ankles in supermarkets and people letting doors go to swing into you are daily events, so why not a card for that. We thought hard about the key word, INCONSIDERATE obvious but far to long for a postcard. We finally settled on WANKER, short and to the point. So think about your behavior in future or some tosser may hand you the latest card.

    Aveiro, in Portugal, must have something in the water to promote long and very active life. A 91-year-old woman appears to have suffocated during a sex game with her 49-year-old neighbour. Her death is believed to be a tragic accident, though the victim wore a broad smile. A neighbour said the 49-year-old often went to the old ladies house to do odd jobs. We couldn’t have put it better ourselves!

    Pope Francis began The 29^th Holy Year with a call to set aside ‘fear and dread’. With the Vatican airspace closed, a ban on the transport of petrol, gas, weapons, explosives and fireworks in Rome, machine guns in the streets, he clearly isn’t relying on prayer.

    Baba Vanga, a blind Bulgarian clairvoyant is said to have predicted the rise of ISIS (Daesh). The lady died 20 years ago but followers claim her predictions proved highly accurate, the Boxing Day tsunami and global warming as examples. Almost forty years ago she predicted a ‘great Muslim war’ and the establishment of a caliphate that would have Rome as its capital. Maybe the Pope is taking note of the ‘Nostradamus from the Balkans’ and has taken the first steps to protect his domicile.

    Chief Medical Officer, Sally Davies is at it again. She’s now calling for flexible working hours and arrangements for menopausal women. We see it as sexist since several of us shared the menopause with our wives and suffered accordingly. But we agree with her on one thing. Apparently she likes a decent drop of wine.

    Donald Trump continues to offend as he fights for the republican nomination – or does he? A radio phone-in in Ohio about his ban Muslims from the USA received overwhelming support. It poses an interesting dilemma for his opponents. His views are extreme but are they at odds with voters?  And if he wins – what then?