Friday 27^th May – the young man who jumped into the lion’s den in Chile believed he was a prophet protected by Jesus. His attempt to ‘create a miracle’ was spoiled by guards who shot the lions. If he recovers, Franco Roman has been invited to England to join David Cameron’s ‘Remain’ team. His powers will be sorely needed if Brexit wins and the country is faced by Cameron’s forecast apocalypse. Hopefully he can convince David and George to accompany him to London Zoo, where they can join him in a test of his powers.

    Turkish leader, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, is raising the ante in the deal for Turks to be granted visa free travel in Europe, in exchange for accepting the return of migrants from Greece. He wants the move escalated or he threatens to tear up the short-lived agreement. But EU Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker hit back at the threat, saying Turkey should stick to its commitments. Anybody feel willing to lay odds on who will win that battle? In the meantime The UK received 333,000 immigrants in 2015. We’ll soon be more crowded than Malta!

    Saturday 28^th May – Kevin Sheehan likes nothing more than watching his fish swim around in his garden pond. It sounds like a pretty harmless hobby and understandable that he has built a bigger pond. But Sovereign Housing Association has ruled that it must be knocked down within three weeks. The reason they give is a corker. ‘A six foot fence hides the pond from view and if someone breaks into the garden they might fall in and injure themselves’. On that basis we feel they should insist that the pond is filled with alligators!

    Tony Blair has convinced himself that people don’t like him because he is so successful. He considers the war in Iraq is just a front for the real reason. He could be right. We never really dislike smug, righteous, misleading bastards. It’s just a front we wear when we come face to face with them.

    Short this week as we take a break.