Friday 20^th May – former French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, took an interesting position on the EU during an interview with Le Monde. While supporting the ‘In’ campaign in the UK he said, “on much of their criticism, the British are right.” Mon Dieu, he agrees with both sides – must be a politician!

    Trying to get a rope round how the EU works, Jeremy Paxman toured Brussels and one fact was inescapable. The UK is no longer a sovereign nation. To clarify the situation I checked sovereignty in the dictionary.

Sovereignty – 1. Supreme and unrestricted power, as of a state. 2. The position, dominion or authority of a sovereign. 3. An independent state.

We no longer meet any of those definitions.

    Saturday 21^st May – staff at a nursing home in Gothenburg, Sweden, have taken part in the trial of a 30-hour week. An audit on the experiment found the staff became more productive and energetic. The 25% reduction in working hours was not accompanied by a similar reduction in pay. Is it any surprise that staff motivation increased! Why did it take a trial to identify a perfectly logical result? On a positive note Sweden will need many more immigrants to fill the artificial gap that develops in their workforce.

    Greater Manchester Police have issued a warning after one man was put in an induced coma and another collapsed after taking a ‘legal high’. Why police feel the need to interfere in self-induced illnesses at a time when they are overstretched to respond to crime is beyond our crowd. The pub concensus is that ‘if the silly buggers wish to self-harm, the result is their own responsibility’.

    Sunday 22^nd May – a week to go before ‘Top Gear’ a la Chris Evans appears on our screens. The recent and unplanned photographs of the JC replacement, doesn’t show a happy man. We couldn’t count the lines on his forehead and we’ve seen smaller furrows at ploughing matches.  In addition, reports suggest that his reaction to audience members at the filming of the first episode contained a great many ‘F’s. At least Evans can guarantee an interested audience of four on launch day and Clarkson would never sink to using the ‘F’ word, would he?

     Google have patented the idea of having an adhesive layer on the bonnet of driverless cars. The idea is based on ‘collecting’ on the bonnet the pedestrian that the car hits, thus protecting the person from bouncing off and being hit by other traffic. We think it’s a great idea that could be implemented on every car. Then we could have competitions for collecting inconsiderate cyclists who ride two and three abreast round the lanes where we live. Extra points would be awarded if you collected their bike as well as the rider!

    Monday 23^rd May – 30 gay MP’s and peers have joined the referendum battle.  They are calling for LGBTI people to cast their votes for remain. They hail the EU’s role in promoting human rights worldwide. We are expecting a directive from Brussels in the near future. Toilets will now have to be labeled Ladies, Gentlemen and Undecided.         

    A ‘technical error’ prevented the San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus from performing the US anthem at the San Diego Padres/LA Dodgers game. The choir has called for an investigation. It may prove to be a discrimination issue if the choir has no LBTI members. Alternatively they may have too many sopranos.

    Tuesday 24^th May – customer care gurus generally recommend the use of names when dealing with customers. People like to hear their name spoken, the first name suggesting some form of relationship. The Labour Party have obviously received the training but misunderstood the message. Hence the email it sent to members making its argument for staying in the EU. The email began, “Dear Firstname”. Clearly they wished to avoid the more formal address of “Dear Lastname”. The rest of their ‘Remain’ message was lost in the howls of laughter. Most of us stopped laughing when reminded that this outfit could form our next government. Many Americans are concerned about what would happen if Trump became President. I think we’d happily take ‘The Donald’ in a straight swap for the idiots who send out emails like this one.

    A bit of Thomas Becket’s elbow has been returned from Hungary to England and is about to be taken on a pilgrimage around the country. He was murdered in 1170, but suspend your disbelief. I just came back from the hairdressers where I collected a few locks of Samson’s hair, courtesy of a hairdresser called Delilah. The hair will begin its pilgrimage next week and donations will be welcomed.