Friday 10^th June - if you want opinions on any imaginable topic, join a shipload of pensioners. ‘Remain’ or ‘Leave’ seemed to be on everyone’s lips and we need facts is the general cry from the public. “We stuck it up the French in 1815 and the Germans in 1918 and 1945. Who needs them?” Said with total disdain by an elderly gent, historically date perfect, definitely factual. Who can argue with that?

    A couple of our old gits have renewed their wedding vows while enjoying a cruise and we met Elaine Coles on our just completed trip. Elaine is an independent celebrant who organizes and manages what should be memorable highlights in our lives. In a world where people are inclined to tailor these personal moments, Elaine’s knowledge and experience can deliver the perfect package. Her view, ‘why not make a special event, very special’. Her website www.ukceremonies.com is well worth a look if something big is looming in your life.

    Saturday 11^th June – The Amrita, Japan’s first ‘naked restaurant’ isn’t quite what it claims since diners will be forced to wear paper underwear. And that’s not the only rule. Over 60’s are banned presumably since paper underwear may not be enough to protect the seats from unplanned leaks! They have also banned ‘fatties’, defined as 15kg above the average weight for their height; also those with tattoos. Guests will also be asked not to cause a nuisance by making uninvited small talk, though the paper underwear will make small pure guesswork. We’re not sure The Amrita will be as popular as London’s naked restaurant, The Bunyadi, which currently has a waiting list of over 20,000 for a table. Fortunately they don’t ban over 60’s since some youngsters will be retired by the time they get a reservation!

    Sunday 12^th June – a Polish man failed to turn up at York Magistrates Court to answer a charge of drunk driving. His reason was a cracker – too fat. He weighs over 14 stone and has mobility problems. The police arrested him and delivered him to the court. He now views the police as a taxi service. We suggest his next court appearance is in Warsaw.

    Monday 13^th June – Gordon Brown appeared on the radio this morning to tell us why we should vote ‘Remain’. Needless to say he has a plan. We don’t hear much from him these days – perhaps there is a God – then back he comes in his ‘save the world guise’. First we had Blair and Major, now the man who wrecked final salary pensions after selling our gold reserves at boot sale prices. Why can’t these failed Prime Ministers fade quietly into obscurity instead of raising our blood pressure by making us shout abuse at an inanimate radio?

    Men with spare rooms are placing interesting ads on Craigslist and Gumtree. Questions like what favours would women give for free accommodation, cooking, housework and sex as examples. So far the blokes in question have been missing a trick. They should be insisting on a one month trial period!     

    We missed the first Chris Evans Top Gear but caught last nights. Not sure if the loud noises were cars or the Clarkson team laughing. Evans threw up during the programme but I managed to keep my Sunday lunch in situ – with difficulty. Comparisons with the original are pointless since the gap is too great – think £5 red plonk versus Chateau Margaux 2009. Goodbye Top Gear, lighter than light.

    Tuesday 14^th June – I’ve been stung by an ant but never been bitten by an elephant. It’s the little things that get you! So it is with the EU. New washing machines now take about 3 hours to do a common programme. Why? Because EU law insists they are ECO friendly. No more quick washes if you have to replace your old machine. So what’s next? Well, the EU is keen to make kettles and toasters ECO friendly so it will take twice as long to make a coffee and a slice of toast. But they’ve held back the introduction of that law. I wonder why? Could it be that 30% of kettles and toasters are bought in the UK and we have a pesky referendum on the horizon?

    ‘Gender neutral’ policies have been introduced at 80 UK schools in response to diversity campaigners who warn about discrimination against LGBT pupils. We doubt many primary school pupils know the meaning of LGBT so confusion will reign. ‘Dress Down’ Fridays at the office will get interesting as this type of policy spreads.