Thursday 1^st September – it is reported that ISIS have banned football referees in one of its Syrian strongholds. Apparently, upholding the rules of Fifa should be secondary to Sharia Law. It seems that a player injured in a tackle could receive compensation from the opponent or exact revenge under Sharia. Imagine how much ‘diving’ will now occur. And a really tough tackle could result in the loss of a limb – but not to the player on the receiving end of the tackle!

    Friday 2nd September – as the BMA escalate their strike action they should at least be honest about their reasons. Call it what it is, a pay dispute, rather than spouting this crap about saving the NHS. Perhaps the junior doctors feel that their superior intelligence allows them to treat mere patients as idiots, when most of us see straight through their rhetoric. If you are striking over weekend payments, tell us. At least you retain your credibility that way.

    Saturday 3^rd September - more demonstrations from anti-Brexiteers hoping to reverse a democratic vote. We can only assume they haven’t noticed the impact the vote has had on the economy. Most of the pundits who forecast apocalypse have been forced to row back their threats. And still the minority scream for the government to ignore the result of the referendum. The euro is a failed currency, the EU economy is a mess and still ‘remainers’ want to stay in. I wish I could understand their argument.  And those who keep saying we don’t have a plan clearly have no experience of negotiation. The preparation and discussion stages of any negotiation are key. Rush them and you pay a price. These early stages are carried on behind closed doors. Hopefully, those tasked with doing the deal will ignore the ignorant loud voices.

    Norwegian photographer Claus Jørstad’s complaint about his Ikea shower stool got great coverage on Facebook. He managed to get his testicles caught in one of the holes in the seat. His story won an apology from Ikea. We just shook our heads. If he is incapable of reaching under the stool to manoeuvre said body part out of the hole we are amazed he can use a camera!

     Sunday 4^th September – interesting to see Jeremy Vine has joined the head cam cycling brigade, publishing the results when abused by a motorist – and all Vine did was ride down the middle of the road making it impossible for cars to pass! We foresee a future where every road user will never leave home without their cameras recording every inch of their journey. It will make life interesting for the police and crown prosecution service. Both groups will require increased numbers of staff, fully occupied watching head and car cam footage as they decide if a crime has been committed. For the most part, all they will see is inconsiderate people on both two and four wheels.

    Another MP has been caught up in a sex-based sting. There’s a surprise. Keith Vaz has made all the normal apologies and in many respects that should be the end of it. He should be allowed to go quietly away to make his peace with his family. Having fronted a safe sex campaign in his constituency last year and as Chair of The Home Affairs Select Committee was overseeing a change in the prostitution laws, his credibility will be a bit thin. Wearing a mask is fine unless it slips. Hopefully he will resign as an MP to avoid reinforcing the view that the man in the street has of our ruling classes.

    Monday 5^th September – sadly I weakened, having said never again after the rubbish England served up in June, and watched the world cup qualifier last night. Should have had more sense though I believe I have worked out England’s problem. Eight of last night’s squad had these ‘poncey’ Corbyn beards. Trendy they will say as they preen like models. They don’t even look like real footballers. Clean them up Sam so at least they look the part. This lot would probably laugh at a photograph of the 1966 team but those lads all have something this lot will never hang round their necks.

    Tuesday 6^th September – if you happen to be in Dublin in the near future pop into The White Moose Café for a snack. Owner, Paulie, has a great sense of humour and is brilliant at pushing the buttons of minorities who cannot wait to be offended. You know the ones I mean. They see offence, racism, sexism, homophobia, in every unguarded comment they see or hear. Paulie’s recent rant that customers who require gluten free food must produce a doctor’s note confirming they suffer from coeliac disease produced the expected outrage. But his best ever comment was that he planned to charge corkage to women who breastfed in the café. Keep stepping on toes Paulie.