Europhile MP Ken Clark is a leading member of the ‘Stay’ campaign. He keeps quiet about his leading the charge for the Euro when we faced that decision. We put it down to age and fading memory, assisted by the belief he is never wrong! But his latest comment suggests he might be changing his mind. He insists that David Cameron wouldn’t last 30 seconds if he loses the vote to stay in. That sounds like a pretty strong reason for voting ‘leave’ to many of us.

    The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has just carried out its first wedding – also called the ‘noodle knot’ since the rings were made of pasta. It happened in New Zealand, where last month the religion was officially recognized as a faith. The Ministeroni, vicar to us, said more weddings are planned. We can’t wait for the first-born. Birthing pools are pretty standard but a large bath of cold pasta could be messy. We can only guess about the christening and what gets dumped on the poor kids head. Rugby and sheep aside, New Zealand doesn’t spring to mind but we can imagine a flood of visitors with wedding plans in the near future. Italy has certainly missed a trick as their national dish becomes ‘cause célèbre’ in another country. We can’t wait to see some of the All Blacks doing The Hakka with a colander on their head. Not that we’d risk passing a comment in their presence!

    National treasure, Sir Terry Wogan, has been blamed for downgrading the British public’s view of The Eurovision Song Contest. The gentleman allocating blame is Christer Bjorkman, (Who?) this year’s producer of the show. Clearly Bjorkman sees it as some sort of serious contest. While questioning his sanity we feel sure he will be pleased that the BBC have taken steps to make their production of the show more serious by placing it in the hands of Graham Norton. I’m sure Graham will treat Eurovision with the respect it deserves.

    A University of Cambridge study has come up with a startling finding – ‘money can buy you happiness’. They set out to disprove the old adage that ‘money can’t buy you happiness’. They say their research is conclusive if your spending is in line with your personality type. We’re not sure how much the research cost but we could have produced the same result in very short order if we’d been given the research budget. Our crowd meets frequently for lunch in pubs, many of them busy at lunchtime with people in our age group. We’re not awash with money but we have enough to do as we please to a great extent. Our lunches sometimes sound like a medical convention as current medication and recent diagnoses are exchanged, but happiness, believe it, we’re a happy group. Happiness isn’t simply reliant on money but if having money makes you unhappy, at least you suffer in comfort. If you wish to see real unhappiness, collect together a crowd of folk without a pot to pee in. Then you’ll see really long faces and a whining noise like a broken transmission.

    The Metro carried a piece about disgusting displays of gluttony this week. It reminded me of a medical conference I attended where the attendees (all doctors) were poised on the starting blocks for the speaker to end his speech. His “thank you for listening” was like firing a starting pistol as the medics stampeded for the buffet tables. Their behaviour was summed up superbly by the aside to a colleague from a big Jamaican waiter. I’ve never forgotten his face when he commented, “I thought de suckling pigs were on de menu”. I think he said suckling.

    The French economy minister, Emmanuel Macron, made his position clear on the UK exiting the EU in an interview with Andrew Marr on Sunday. There will be consequences of leaving was his clear message. Suck it up and stop moaning about the EU was how he sees it. The state of the French economy suggests he isn’t a man with great credibility but he talks a good job. If the Brexit team needs help they should encourage Macron to keep coming here to state his views. He sounds like another Brit hater, a smaller version of Charles de Gaulle, without the nose.

    A transgender woman claims to have been raped 2000 times after being sent to a male prison. Would it have been different in a female prison? We await the demands for LBGT prisons.

    Thought for the week - It’s tough between a rock and an injunction.