We start the year on a sad note. Jez shook off the mortal coil just before Christmas. We raised a glass to him, sure that he’ll improve whatever team he has now joined. He’ll hold up his corner in debates, throw in curved balls that are unanswerable and produce showstoppers whenever relationships become the topic. RIP mate.

    At such an early stage in the year we put on our thinking caps to produce our version of Old Moore’s Almanac. Here are our forecasts for 2016.

1. Sir John Chilcot’s report is published. Some parties who face criticism   

    in the report try to use ‘Maxwellisation’ to hold it up further, finally                      

                insisting they were not given time to respond fully. The complaints  

    come from the usual suspects that surround Tony Blair.   

2. UK debt continues to rise as the chancellor uses smoke and mirrors    

                to hide the reality. Most of the rise comes from benefits and spend on

                the NHS. New arrivals to the UK continue to receive benefits and the

    NHS continues to treat health tourists free of charge.

3.  Political correctness thrives as Twitter replaces genuine discussion.  

                 Public debates become a thing of the past as potential topics are ruled     

                 out as a threat to the Twitter version of free speech.         

                

4.  Sexual education is introduced for pensioners who have problems

     remembering sex. They are taught by 5 year-olds using the    

     picture books they learn from at infant school. If the pensioner then

     passes a simple test, the  child who taught them will receive a GCSE to    

                 carry forward.

5.  Janet and John children’s books are replaced by the Martha and Peter   

     series.  Martha, who used to be Arthur and Peter, who used to be Rita,

     take their readers step by step through their transition. The publishers

     make it clear that children should not try this at home.

            6.  Greece continues to borrow from the EU, each loan being used to pay

                 their previous debt to the EU. The Eurozone trumpets this a success.

            7.  Immigration continues to rise until serious cracks around the Kent

                 border suggest an imminent fracture. Water fills the crack as it widens   

                 and the county demands independence.

            8.  The first transgender woman takes part in Strictly. She ends her jive with

a flying splits that receives wild applause from the audience. Len   

Goodman awards her a seven after firemen unstick her from the dance

                 floor. Bruno Tonioli describes her landing as similar to pasta dropped from

     a great height. Darcey Bussell gives a ten to the firemen. Craig Revel    

     Horwood is admitted to hospital with stress.

            9.  An app is introduced that allows Waitrose customers to use their mobile  

phones to identify Lidl and Aldi users in their immediate vicinity. Any    

discussion of price and quality between the groups results in a syndrome  

that doctors have labeled FSS - Falsely Superior Stress. There is no

known treatment.

10. Vladimir Putin’s forces drive ISIS from Syria and keep Assad in power.

      The West insists that Assad must leave. Putin says he will consider this.

      

    A new year but nothing much changes. We shall review our forecasts as the year progresses.