As is often the case at our ages, a visit to the doctor by one of our crowd started a discussion in the pub.  Whenever any of us go nowadays we invariably get asked if we smoke or drink.  We quite like the smoke question, giving forth an angelic Goody Two-shoes smile, as we answer no.  The drink question is more difficult, especially as they now try to get the answer in units.  That’s the bit where we start hedging, before telling outright lies that make the doctor smile. After all, one person’s unit may be different from another’s. It also raised an interesting discussion point.  When we pour a nightcap at home, what size is it?  'Enough for a bloody decent taste' received general agreement but didn’t seem particularly scientific, so we decided to do our own research. We’ve carried it out over several nights and the results are interesting.  The optimum size to produce a decent tot is 60 mls of your preferred spirit. It more than wets the bottom of the glass so to speak. One more surprising fact resulted from our research.  We’d all used the little calibrated plastic container you get with Night Nurse to measure our tots.  So the one fact we can all be certain of is, that men of a certain age all have Night Nurse in their medicine cabinet.  We’re hoping that any ‘old gits’ that read the blog can check their medicine cabinets to confirm our findings.    

    Tony Blair has decided we need his input to the election debate, though his speech sounded more like an advertising pitch for the European Union.  At least he didn’t hide his contempt for the electorate.  His statement that leaving the EU was too important to be left to a referendum made his view of the voters very clear. In his view, we’re not bright enough to make the big decisions.  Amazing how ex-politicians change when they’re not standing for office.  At least he didn’t threaten us with weapons of mass destruction again, though anything he does utter is measured against that lie.  RIP Chilcot.   

    The flight plan to deliver the atomic bomb to Hiroshima, compiled by Captain Robert Lewis, co-pilot of Enola Gay, will shortly come up for auction.  It’s an amazing document in its simplicity.  In our hi-tech world it’s easy to forget the way things were just 70 years ago. In the horror voiced about the number of civilian deaths, it is easy to forget the courage of the men who flew that mission.  Their ‘fag packet’ plan could easily have resulted in them being victims of the bomb, but it didn’t deter them. And it would be impossible to quantify the number of deaths that would have resulted if an invasion of Japan had been required to end the war in the Pacific.  It would be sad if the documents disappeared into a private collection, only to be seen in future by a select few.  They should be kept in the public arena as a tribute to those who flew the mission and a reminder of the lives they saved.

    An interesting comment from Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt caught our eye.  He thinks the crisis in the NHS is due to the pressure of an aging population.  Is there anything we’re not to blame for?  We generally have more bedrooms than we need, so we’re bed blocking in more than one way perhaps.  We also use local tradesmen to carry out jobs we used to do for ourselves, paying cash no less.  So I guess the black economy can be laid at our door. Let’s hope Viagra doesn’t result in us fathering a raft of children or we’ll be blamed for the population explosion next!     

     Channel 4 are shortly releasing a new documentary that reveals children and relationship issues are the main talking points for men in the pub.  They obviously missed all the pubs we frequent when they did their research.  Have they never heard of Clarkson?  Of all the new roles suggested for JC round our table, Pope got the most votes.  A new Popemobile by Ferrari, white smoke from wheelies in St mark’s Square, a decent pub in The Vatican.  The mind boggles.  Come on JC, put us out of our misery.  Where are you going next?

    As the election manifestos are unveiled, it reminds us of a game of poker at a meeting of Gamblers Anonymous.  None of the parties call, they all raise.  And like addicts, they haven’t a clue where the money will come from.  Is it time for a new group to be formed?  Politicians Anonymous would be a good name for the group since we’ve never heard of most of them.  Their opening line is obvious.

“My name is Joe Bloggs and I’m addicted to lying”