Friday 8^th July – having been very critical of the time Chilcot has taken to produce his report we have to applaud his findings – no sign of the whitewash many feared. For Tony Blair it hammers the final nail into his legacy. As Blair trundles around the media trying to justify his behaviour on the run up to war, he simply confirms the tenor of the report. His messiah complex has never been clearer. Most people seek heavenly support when on their knees in church but Blair probably believes he is there to offer advice.

    Saturday 9^th July – the petition demanding a second referendum on leaving the EU has hit 4 million. They only need another 13 million to get close to number that voted leave. And it would take some very misguided politicians to take notice of the petition and try to reverse it. They may think all those that voted leave are stupid and uneducated but telling them might just make those MP’s seats in Parliament rather shaky. If you voted remain, suck it up – you lost.

    Sunday 10^th July – The De Prael brewery in Amsterdam have turned the wettest June on record into a business opportunity, launching a brew made from rainwater. Our first thought was something about the strength of ‘maiden’s water’ but the Dutch soon dispelled the thought. The Hemelswater: code blond hits the palate at 5.7% - not for the uninitiated. We can’t wait to try it.

    July has been a good month for bulls. They are leading 3 – 0 (1 dead, 2 injured) on the bull runs in Pamplona as crackpots from around the world join the narrow streets and panicked animals for the annual event. Add a top bullfighter that suffered a role reversal as the bull delivered a fatal blow rather than receiving it. We know the bulls are bred for food but do they need to be abused as well? The mother of the bull that delivered the fatal blow to the matador will now be killed to end that bloodline. Your kids can certainly cause you problems!

    Bookmakers William Hill has slashed the odds of an announcement by the US President or a UK Prime Minister that aliens are visiting the earth. They have reduced the odds from 1000/1 to 25/1. Having just re-run Tony Blair’s tearful reaction to the Chilcot Report and had another look at ET I think I’ll take the odds. Remove the sound from Blair’s attempt to justify his position and repeat “phone home” in a funny voice and you’ll know what I mean.

    Monday 11^th July – have you ever wondered why men in ancient statues have small penises? Art historian, Ellen Oredsson has come up with an answer. Small penises were prized in Ancient Greece, the belief being that they were associated with positive traits like rational, intellectual and authoritative behaviour. So if you’re rather small built, it doesn’t mean that you were at the back of the queue when they were handing them out, just that you were born 2,500 years too late! But I’m still not convinced that your intellect will put a smile on your other half’s face if all you can manage in bed is to quote Plato.

    Riots in Paris after Portugal beat France in the Euro 2016 final. Fortunately England avoided the risk. They took an early bath by losing to one of the world’s top amateur clubs, Iceland!

    Tuesday 12^th July – A 97-year-old and a 95-year-old, who were best friends as teenagers, have just met again as they moved into a residential home at the same time. They will spend many happy hours revisiting the only things they still remember!!

    Katie Price has gone public saying she only has two regrets in her life. We remember seeing them in their inflated prime!

    UK politics may never be the same again. Leaders will soon run out of swords on which to fall. In a few hours we moved from Theresa may to Theresa definitely will and a statement from our PM in waiting that Brexit means Brexit. And didn’t the markets respond positively! What crash? On the other side of the house, the Eagle has finally landed – one of them anyway. We assume the other one is circling and looking for prey. Do eagles eat carrion?  Now the battle starts for Labour and it won’t be about who leads the party. Their battle will be about the wording of the constitution. The wording seems open to misunderstanding so who will have the loudest voice. If the executive can’t keep Corbyn out of the contest the result seems inevitable. Just heard he’s on the ticket – knives anybody?