Long live the Green Party.  As the election battle revs up we can rely on them to introduce Monty Python like humour to the proceedings, made even funnier by the fact that they deliver their thoughts with seriousness and belief.  It comes as no surprise that their membership is growing apace.  Our lads would all join if we had a local candidate that hadn’t been sectioned.  Chairman, Natalie Bennett is deserving of her own chat show on television.  She spouts garbage with total conviction and should never be interrupted by questions.  We know she can’t answer them and it breaks the hilarious flow.  A recording of her speeches, supported by some gems from John Prescott, would sell millions.  The Green conference also introduced us to a new idea –‘attunement’.  The meditative breaks in the midst of business are almost too good to be true.  Apparently they relieve stress!  Om, om – all together now.  And how do you get stressed at an event like a Green conference.  The only problem was my ribs aching from laughter.  With any luck they’ll win another seat and become part of a technicolour coalition.  In truth they’re not much crazier than the other parties but they’re much more fun.  The Greens control the council in Brighton and are planning to replace half their Pay-and-Display parking meters with cashless systems.  Social services will be very busy coping with the upsurge of confused pensioners found shouting at meters in the street!  More attunement anyone?

    Son of the manse Gordon Brown has raised his head above the parapet again, likening the UK to the ‘North Korea’ of Europe if we leave the EU.  He suggests we’d be out in the cold with no friends. He speaks as something of an expert on that topic.  We haven’t seen much of him lately so we can only guess at the haircut he now sports.

    On the subject of the EU, commission president Jean-Claude Juncker is leading the call for an EU army.  He feels that an EU army would help to persuade Vladimir Putin that Europe was serious about defending its values in the face of the threat from Moscow.  On the subject of values, perhaps Jean-Claude could arrange for the cost of arming the force to be paid for by the money Luxembourg pocketed through sweetheart tax deals to major corporations during his leadership.  If the force ever came into being it would have more generals than soldiers if it followed normal commission principles. I bet Putin hasn’t stopped laughing since he heard the report.

    It is estimated that 1700 girls were abused in Rotherham and Oxford, while those in charge queued to receive their gratefully accepted OBE’s, CBE’s, etc.  They should be made to stand in public as they are removed.     

    The three schoolgirls that have decamped to Syria to join IS continue to generate headlines.  In an appearance before the Home Affairs Committee their families seem to blame the police, security services and just about anyone else for the girls flight.  Oddly, the families seem to be faultless.  We now hear the girls will be treated as victims if they return to the UK.  That sounds like an open door for any fighters that want to return when they’re sufficiently trained to present a real threat to our home security.

    Another disaster for the ‘Big Boys Toys’ brigade as Top Gear is pulled from our screens by the BBC, for a couple of weeks at least.  Big beast Clarkson appears to have stepped over the mark, allegedly throwing a punch at some poor soul.  The BBC didn’t use the word punch, calling it a fracas.  We can’t understand the fuss.  If he did it, they should have filmed the incident as a part of the programme.  It would have guaranteed another million on the viewing audience.  And looking at the state of Clarkson, we couldn’t imagine any punch he threw doing serious damage.  If he took a serious swing he’d probably need medical treatment for torn ligaments.  How long before we see him on Sky?

    Hospital visits occur with age and the wife of one of the lads has recently been for a check up.  She came back with a question.

            “Why does a gynaecologist put you behind a screen to undress?”

We haven’t received a sensible answer so far.