Yet another Bank Holiday but only for a day so the pub was quiet on Tuesday.  It used to be called Whitsun when we were kids and we normally had a week off with all sorts of events taking place.  The politicians changed it in 1971 – we were having too much fun.

    Sam surprised us, but only because he’s not a church goer, by telling us that Whitsun was often thought of as the birth of the church when the Holy Spirit descended to the Apostles, 50 days after the resurrection.  The Apostle Peter preached a sermon that resulted in 3000 people becoming believers.  Jez jumped in to say Nigel Farage would have converted a lot more than 3000 based on the recent elections.  It made us wonder if Nigel in a cassock, with a pint in one hand and a fag in the other, could fill the churches.  Putting a bar in would certainly help!

    The rest of us had been taking bets about how long it would take Jez to raise Nigel’s name. You could have got long odds about it being in the first sentence after a biblical discourse. We had to agree to give credit where it was due and accept that UKIP had caused a shake-up in political terms.  The major parties see the result as a protest vote but with a turn out around 30% I suggested the DGS party (see 7^th May) made the strongest point. When will these political grandees understand the electorate?   In most of the post-election interviews the major players say they will listen to the voters.  We greeted that with derision. They’re always too busy talking at us.  I wonder why they believe they know best, when most never held down a proper job or lived among the general population.   

    We all had ideas about what sort of job would best fit the party leaders.  ‘Call me Dave’ came out of PR and it’s clearly his vocation.  He tells a great story, spins it with the skill of Shane Warne and leaves us with promises, promises.  Sam suggested he’d make a great undertaker on the basis that he buries Ed Miliband every Wednesday at Question Time.

    ‘Red Ed’ proved a tough one.  Paddy suggested that politics deprived the circus of a great clown and that Ed might benefit from changing his looks with make-up and a funny nose.  Imagine him on the stump acting as a clown.  “Would anyone notice a difference?” Adrian posed. Shrugs suggested not.  It seemed a bit harsh, but with Ed likely to win the election next year it raises the spectre of him astride the stage with major statesmen like Obama, Merkel, Putin et al.  Angela Dorothea Merkel won’t mind being called a statesman by the way. She shows bigger balls than most blokes.  But try to imagine Miliband alongside as an equal no less.  We’ll be expecting a pig’s fly past. 

    That left us with Nick Clegg, and Paddy made the sign of the cross when I said it.  As deputy Prime Minister he has already qualified as an illusionist, striding the halls of power but leaving no footprint. I’m surprised he hasn’t followed the work of Dr Duncan MacDougall in his fanatical search for renewable energy (See Soul Searching on Kindle).  It seems to fit his definition of logic.  If he hangs on as captain of the SS Lib Dem, we strongly suggest his followers invest in water wings.       

    Jez has another bee in his bonnet because he read an article about the elderly being a drain on society, resented by many young people as a burden they shouldn’t have to carry.  Apparently Chris Huhne had a lot to say about it in The Guardian.  He’s quoted as saying ‘someone needs to fight the selfish, short sighted old’.  We found it hard to take too seriously if it’s accurate.  Anyone who claims his wife is driving his car when he’s sitting behind the wheel, clearly has to be delusional.  And a man living off the public purse as a Minister, who moves directly to prison without passing GO, certainly knows about drains on society; we decided he qualified as an expert on the subject.  We’re still paying tax so we’re waiting for his next parable, hoping it offers us a get out clause, apart from euthanasia that is.

    The BBC finally succumbed to Politically Correct Dementia, a syndrome associated with not going out much in the real world.  The word GIRL may now be considered sexist in certain circumstances.  Paddy feels vindicated and will continue to use his preferred bird.  Clearly the Beeb are taking it seriously.  We all tried to watch the new drama Quirke on Sunday only to find that lack of sound and whispering are the new filters used to cover any risky words.  We’re awaiting the appearance of the little figure doing sign language for the benefit of those with perfect hearing.   Presumably, they’ll erase the sign for girl!