We often poke fun at the ideas from the mouths of highly intelligent gurus but we love one that appeared this week. Professor Dame Sally Davies, The Chief Medical Officer, has come up with a gem. She has since stated that she said it in jest, but it has unassailable logic. Her comment that the obese should be weighed along with their luggage before joining a flight makes so much sense. Weight distribution is important to the safety of the aircraft so the passengers should be loaded as carefully as their luggage.  We immediately thought of an extension of her idea and it could be applied to trains and buses as well. All forms of transport should have specified areas for obese passengers. In that way they could be forced to sit next to each other. We’ve all had nightmare journeys where half our seat has been taken by the lump next to us. Make them sit together so they understand the issue we have to deal with. I’d pay to watch. By the way, we’re saying this only half in jest!

   The Iranian women’s football team will bear examination in future competitions. Several of the ladies are alleged to be men who haven’t completed their sex change operations. They shouldn’t be hard to pick out during matches. Whenever a defensive wall is lined up to repel free kicks near the goal, check the defenders body language. The ladies generally cross their arms, but blokes invariably clasp their hands low down to protect the family jewels. Even if you’re awaiting the removal man, the pain is just as severe if hit by a full-blooded shot at goal.

    It is hard not be shocked then moved by another killing spree in the US. Once again Obama takes to the media to talk about gun laws, but the ‘right to bear arms’ is embedded in American culture. Restricting sales and hence availability must help but there seems to be another common feature. Each time the background of the shooter is disclosed we feel less surprised by the event. Their reclusive lifestyles, personal interactions and communications on social media look like an accident waiting to happen. Are the signs being ignored? The security services monitor the web very carefully for hints of terrorist activity. How difficult would it be to extend their search to take in this new form of ‘terrorist’, one who takes lives and destroys survivors lives due to their twisted view of the world. 

    A survey by car insurer LV finds that 48% of drivers see other motorists on their mobile phones at least once a day. Our own survey of the lads suggests we hardly take a journey without seeing the same. We have to assume that catching the culprits should be easy. Let’s face it speed cameras have become a cash cow. But using mobiles doesn’t count unless the driver kills someone while calling or texting. Then it becomes major news. What’s the point of a law if we have no will to enforce it?

    The rapid rise in life expectancy seems to have slowed in recent years. That sounds like bad news for recent arrivals on the planet, even worse for our group who wonder if the clock is going backwards now! 

    Diversity and integration have been the watchwords of liberals for the last twenty years in the UK. But the loudest voices are part of the problem, not part of the solution. Professor Adam Dinham (yes, we’d never heard of him either) professor of faith and public policy at Goldsmiths, University of London has entered the fray. He has drawn up a literacy programme to be presented to employers this week. His paper includes restrictions on the use of office kitchens, one example heating up your sausage roll in the microwave, because it may cause offence to other faiths.  Dinham also commented that in addition to the established faiths – Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism and Sikhism, employers should consider new religions like Scientology. At some stage these experts might consider whether they encourage segregation rather than limiting it. On reflection, we won’t hold our breath.

    It’s interesting to read that wildlife is thriving in the devastated area around the Chernobyl nuclear plant. Wolves in particular seem to be thriving, seven times the average population for uncontaminated areas. They are easy to count at night as they glow in the dark and are seven feet tall!