Many of the conversations we have in the pub regard public service initiatives that don’t make much sense. This week’s ‘what sort of pillock came up with this’ discussion was about banning smoking outside pubs. Outside no less! The Royal Society for Public Health came up with this one. They want exclusion zones outside the pub. The well accepted inside ban, plus alcohol breath testing, has led to the demise of thousands of pubs in recent years. Most of the establishments still in operation have a small roofed enclosure outside for the smokers who need a drag to supplement their food or drink. In cold weather the tobacco requirement makes them pay for the pleasure with discomfort at the very least. Not to mention having to repeat all the conversational gems they missed while being outside. No complaints about that, but to make smokers move a distance away from the pub seems brainless.  The society suggests that making the habit more inconvenient will encourage people to give up. Rubbish. All it will do is reduce the number of customers using the pubs. A better initiative would be to ban all vegetarians and curry eaters from pubs. Both groups have internal organs with the ability to produce evil smelling gas, some of it prone to creep quietly out, generally accompanied by a sly grin, and a glance around to try to place blame elsewhere. We can think of many occasions when a decent cigar, drawing well, would have enhanced the aroma in the pub. Surely the Royal Society should protect us from that.

    Clarkson and his merry band are advertising for producers for their new show on Amazon Prime. Anyone with what boxing calls a glass jaw should not apply! The best line in the ad says ‘we live or die depending on the quality of our ideas’. We have to assume that JC has raised the stakes for anyone who can’t produce a steak or two for a late night sitting. It seems likely that a punch in the mouth has become a minor reprimand.

   Whenever we talk about JC it is invariably Clarkson on our lips, but suddenly he has a serious challenger. We’re nor sure how Jeremy Corbyn would fair in an average family saloon, but the way he is pulling in the crowds suggest he could be the next Stig. Nothing seems to faze him or derail his bandwagon. The Labour so called ‘Big Guns’ are lining up to attack him but he refuses to respond, simply going on his merry way, delivering his views to cheering audiences. And as a sign Corbyn is winning, Andy Burnham is now sidling up to him, saying they could work well together in government. That should tell you all you need to know about ‘anything to give me a chance’ Burnham. And finally the clunking fist of Gordon Brown has been lured out of hiding. He spoke his piece, getting the television audience he must be missing, but no more than a handful in the live audience. In his normal decisive manner he never mentioned Corbyn by name, simply savaging everything his Labour colleague believes in. So Blair, Campbell, and now Brown have all come out against the third JC.  Interestingly, only Corbyn of those mentioned voted against war in Iraq. Maybe that is why he has believers. RIP Chilcot.

    Interesting news has come from Ohio State University. They have managed to grow a human brain in a laboratory dish. The brain is comparable to that of a few week old foetus. Clearly more work is required before these brains can be transplanted but already they could offer improved thought processes to many of our elected politicians.

    Had an interesting discussion with Adrian yesterday. Dignitas gets fairly mixed coverage in the media and we were pondering a better way to take that final journey. Our chat drifted onto the idea of Dignitas Cruises. Live the high life for your last couple of weeks before taking your final barbiturate laced champagne in the comfort of four-star facilities with a sea view. This could be followed by burial at sea. What a classy way to go. We shall begin our pitches to cruise companies in the near future. Our wives keep mumbling something about sick minds but what do they know.

    The bulls are getting fed up with the runs they still have to make in Spain. They’ve raised the ante by killing three runners in the last 24 hours. Their message to the runners couldn’t be clearer.     

Find another way to annoy livestock!