Jean-Claude Juncker now says he knew nothing about the deals that made Luxembourg rich by picking the pockets of his European Union allies.  Who would have thought that?  It happened on his watch but it was only billions of Euros, easily unnoticed, especially for a Brussels Eurocrat.  No wonder their accounts are never signed off.  At least our politicians only fiddle their expenses.  As far as we know, anyway!

    It has taken an ex-Prime Minister to put immigration in perspective.  John Major, in his speech to a foreign affairs think tank in Berlin, put it in very simple, but finally accurate terms.  We are a small island and simply cannot absorb the present, let alone projected numbers, of immigrants at the present speed of arrival.  It is not physically, or politically acceptable to the existing population.  We’re not racist or xenophobic, simply aware of the space and services implications of the sheer numbers that are coming. Lord Kelvin put numbers in perspective many years ago.

    “When you can measure what you are speaking about and express it in

    numbers, you know something about it.  When you cannot express it in

    numbers, your  knowledge is of a meagre and unsatisfactory kind.”

Like most aspects of the EU, the average citizen craves real information.  Show us reality and we’ll probably make a sensible judgment about membership. What a shame a man like Kelvin isn’t a minister.  On reflection, I doubt he could have lived with the spin ridden crowd he would have had to join.

    After the battles that John Major fought with Eurosceptics when in Downing Street, he is clearly pro-Europe. We can only hope his message is heard in the EU because unfettered immigration could swing a referendum the way a majority of us don’t want it to go.  A common trading agreement always made sense, and that is what we voted for.  Sadly, it’s no longer what we’ve got.

    Kim Kardashian seems determined to give everybody a look at her backside.  The pictures of her with a glass of champagne standing on her ‘bared arse’ only drew a single comment in the pub.  “You couldn’t stand a decent pint on that.”  There didn’t seem much else to say.  Its as well she didn’t join our police force.  The Home Office is working on a new design for body armour, shaped to fit an increasing number of female officers that are having breast implants. The fear is that an attack on these officers may result in the implant rupturing.  The good news is that the body armour will be unisex, simply labeled formed or unformed.  Officials say that this will allow male officers with ‘man boobs’ to select the formed armour without embarrassment.  We hope the material is waterproof so the lads concerned can wear it in the showers to avoid smirks. We can’t wait for the latest lift and spread body armour, and that’s just for the blokes.

    The old gits are a pretty irreligious group for no particular reason that we can unearth, since logic suggests we’re moving nearer to our maker at a rate of knots.  However, we’ve found a religion on the web that has sparked an interest.  Pastafarianism is a belief in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  It’s believers wear colanders as hats.  It started in the US in 2005 as a satirical protest against the teaching, in some schools, of ‘intelligent design’ (a form of creationism) rather than evolution. The central tenet of the religion is the creation of the universe by a Flying Spaghetti Monster that had been drinking heavily.  We’ll drink to that – colanders on – amen.  We’re not aware of a UK branch of the religion and landlady, Pam didn’t help the inaugural meeting by refusing to lend us her colander for some ‘selfies’.  We’ll get our own back by putting copies of the supermarket ad about a Christmas lunch for £2.66 inside her menu for the £40 Christmas feast.  The next meeting of our newly discovered church (by us anyway) will be at The Duke and we’re taking our own colanders!      

    The Sunday Sport carried a headline a couple of weeks ago,  ‘MAN HAS SEX WITH TESCO VALUE LASAGNE’.  You never get that sort of behaviour in Lidl, even though the lasagne is cheaper!