£1,700,000,000!  It looks bigger than £1.7 billion when you write it down in full. It makes the Euro Millions lottery look like small change.  As a red- faced Cameron bangs the table and fumbles for words, we just shrug in a ‘what’s new’ fashion. As Cameron blusters, EU leaders are queuing up to put the boot in, already threatening to hold back the UK’s £3 billion rebate.  Dave probably won’t roll over until he has found a few tweaks to the method used to calculate the extra payment. That should reduce the bill by a million or two. Then he’ll call it a negotiated reduction to show how he can change EU minds.  Meanwhile, Nigel Farage can’t wipe the smile off his face.  The bill from the EU couldn’t have come at a worse time for the Conservatives.  Nigel probably considers the demand as the cost to the Conservatives of the Rochester & Strood by-election.  And with Christmas on the horizon, can you imagine the greeting in one of the cards Cameron will receive?

Thank you for our Christmas present

                                                                        Angela & François

To compound the problem, Cadbury’s have decided to stop production of their gold foil wrapped chocolate coins, so one method of payment has disappeared!

   Tea with the Tony & Cherie Blair is available for offers over £5,000 in health spa Champneys charity auction for Pink Ribbon breast cancer.  They describe the tea as ‘a once in a lifetime experience’. They have a point. How often does anyone get the opportunity to discuss weapons of mass destruction over tea?  To date, there has not been a stampede to take up the offer.  There’s a surprise.  Maybe an early view of the Chilcot Report would have got a better response!  RIP Chilcot. Sadly, it’s a great charity that’s missing out until someone takes a punt.  Whoever does put up the money can always claim a sudden illness on the day!

    Lamps seized by police during raids on cannabis farms have been loaned to Rotherham Football Club to improve the grass in goalmouths.  The lamps are suspended on goalposts to provide extra heat to promote growth.  If a few seeds drop off the lamps it could produce a whole new meaning to scoring in Rotherham matches.  We can’t wait to see the quality of goal celebrations as the season progresses!  They could easily put Strictly Come Dancing in the shade. 

    Between us, our collection of useless, but sometimes interesting facts, never ends.  We’ve found some classic information from Birmingham’s Aston University this week.  They have found that public transport is a haven for bacteria.  The average square centimeter of seating on the underground yielded 1,390 micro-organisms.  As a comparison, a lavatory seat has around 50 per square centimeter.  During working days we were used to fighting for seats on rush hour trains.  We can only imagine that once this information spreads, the biggest battle will be to become first in the loo, with the door locked until you reach your destination. Clean seat, anyone?

    We can’t seem to avoid Russell Brand in the media for the last few days.  He’s written a book, which came as a surprise in itself.  Most of the critics have panned it and having heard him on television and radio, we can understand it.  I’m not sure if he uses a funny voice to answer questions he doesn’t like, or if he has a funny voice. The biggest shock in some ways is to see the time a programme like Newsnight devoted to the man.  Please come back Paxo!   Listening to Brands nonsense brought to mind a real philosopher.  I can’t imagine what the father of the field of logic would have made of the ramblings of Brand, but one of his sayings sums up the situation.

                        We are what we repeatedly do.

                                    Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

                                                                                                Aristotle

Take a look at Brand’s behaviour.  It tells more about the man than anything he writes!

    A massive blow up sculpture (24 metres tall) in the Place Vendome in Paris has raised a few French eyebrows.  American artist, Paul McCarthy, told Le Monde that he got his inspiration from a sex toy and a Christmas tree. Social media has been awash with comment about sapin, the French word for fir tree.  By chance, the cabinet minister presiding over France’s finances is called Michel Sapin.  Perhaps the sculpture hints at what has happened to the French economy! Not that it matters since a group of art lovers cut the supporting cables and the sex toy, no longer upright, has been deflated. There are plans to re-inflate the ‘sex toy’. It sounds more like the French economy every day!

    The outgoing head of the European Commission, Jose Manuel Barroso, has paid us a visit, appearing on television with Andrew Marr.  He was at pains to explain that freedom of movement was written into EU law and any arbitrary cap on immigration would not be acceptable.  He also suggested that our influence in the World would be negligible without the backing of the EU. Barroso clearly has a blind spot about growth. Any company with the economic performance of the Euro zone would be seen as a lame duck in the business world. It certainly wouldn’t be seen as a powerful influence, more as an example of what not to do. We would also find it difficult to have less influence in the world than we do in the EU, if we need a comparison! With arch federalist, Jean-Claude Juncker, soon to replace Barroso, we foresee some interesting point scoring as David Cameron hints at methods of reducing immigration. The Rochester and Strood by-election might force him to put his money where his mouth is if he’s to beat UKIP! 

    A medical innovation bill will be debated in The Lords on Friday and could become law early next year if peers and MP’s agree on it.  It would allow new untested drugs to be given to dying patients who volunteer for the treatment.  It is already happening with ebola patients.  The route to market for any new drug is painfully slow, evidence based treatments taking years to reach the patient.  It makes sense for new treatments that show promise in the laboratory be offered to those with no hope.  There will be no lack of volunteers.

    Only a person who has no understanding of business could suggest that new fathers have the same paternity rights as mothers following the birth of their child.  No surprise then that Nick Clegg is promoting the idea.  He wants new parents to be able to share the 52 weeks parental leave currently available to the mother.  Clegg insists it needs a culture change to tackle clapped out attitudes to flexible, family friendly working practices. Clearly Clegg has never faced the management nightmare of a small company trying to cover a staff shortage brought on by illness. On reflection, he’s never had to manage anything that matters. It may be that students have their say next May, as they reckon up the fees Clegg swore he would oppose.     

    Amanda Holden has just published a great picture of her backside on Twitter. She’s probably reacting to all the pictures of our mate Rihanna that keep appearing. If the competition ‘hots up’ we can probably expect a few pictures that normally appear in The Journal of Gynaecology.  Jez was ecstatic when he saw the picture, calling it a selfie. He still doesn’t get it.

     We often talk about aging when we get together in the pub and inevitably start sharing our symptoms and current doctor or hospital visits. I saw this great piece from an aging conference in the USA.  If you’re like us old gits, treat yourselves to 15 minutes of humour that will remind you of your everyday life.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/LR2qZ0A8vic?rel=0

    Grayson Perry, Turner Prize winner, the Beau Brummell of cross dressers, begins a three part series on television tonight.  He believes we all wear masks in public and he could be right. In the series he sets out to create portraits that capture people behind their public façade. It should make good viewing. Just a thought – will it include a self-portrait?

  

    Has our political system had a wake up call in the recent by-elections?  The pundits claim it has but we’ll wait and see.  Clacton was a minor surprise, but Heywood and Middleton came close to being an earthquake. A few more Conservative dissenters and a safe Labour seat would have changed hands. Spokespersons for both parties had their say after the event, but tended to downplay the issue of immigration, unlike activists who say it is constantly raised on the doorstep. Why can’t our politicians see that immigration is just an issue of numbers, more people seeking to come here than we can easily accommodate? In a geographical sense The UK is small, and no amount of building will keep up with the influx of people from Europe, let alone from around the world.  Our public services are being stretched to breaking point and the housing problem will simply accelerate if nothing is done.  Fear of being called racist has kept an artificial lid on the issue, but these by-elections should have lifted that lid.  What we don’t need is endless hand wringing and debate.  Debating it for the next twelve months will mean we need yet another Milton Keynes. It’s time for action. 

    A TB epidemic alert has been sounded in London, where some areas have a higher incidence of the disease than many third world countries.  The number of cases in the capital doubled from 1500 in 1987 to 3000 last year.  The percentage of cases in Brent is higher than China and twice that of Brazil.  The forecast level of cases throughout the UK for this year (7000+) hasn’t been matched since the Seventies.  How long before a disease that to all intents and purposes had been eradicated becomes endemic again? Significant numbers of immigrants are arriving with the condition and it’s one import we can do without.  Let's introduce screening.

    Graham Norton’s show was excellent last week.  Kevin Pietersen was one of the guests and watching Norton tap dance round the subject of KP’s book was a case study for budding psychologists.  Norton’s wry comment that “maybe team games weren’t ideal for Pietersen” was irony at its best.  We know Norton takes great care with pre-show alcohol but would have loved to hear his questions to Pietersen after he’d had a glass or three.  Great television. If Norton is ever down our way, we’d happily split a couple of bottles of Chateau Musar with him, and we don’t make offers like that lightly. Another thought sprang to mind when we talked about the show.  Maybe Pietersen should be searching the world for single wicket competitions!

    With single wickets still in mind, MP Brooks Newmark has announced he’s stepping down at the next election.  He plans to seek treatment for ‘his demons’, code for sending selfies of his tackle on line.  We would have suggested he use what has been called The Straight Bat defence of being hacked. If nothing else, it would cause hilarity in cricketing circles!   

    Seen some great pictures of Nigella Lawson and Conchita Wurst at an awards ceremony.  The similarity is amazing.  They could act as stand-ins for each other in most situations.

    Gordon Brown seems to have found his way back to Westminster and now he won’t shut up. For some reason he was awarded a lengthy session in yesterday’s debate on devolution and sadly he never wasted a second.  Having led the charge for extra powers for Scotland, Gordon now seems to have realized that England may not like a situation where Scottish MP’s can vote on purely English legislation.  The unfairness existed before any increase in powers, so some form of devolution for the English is long overdue.  Heaven forbid we go the whole hog like Scotland and produce even more politicians to live on the public purse.  In the meantime, will someone please send Gordon back to Scotland?  His speech reminded us of how much we’ve enjoyed his absence.

    Boris Johnson held forth in the Radio Times about his ability to drink a significant amount of booze at lunchtime.  Other people, let alone politicians who do that, normally swear blind that they don’t. We can only think of one other politician who gives a similar impression.  Is another defection to Nigel in the offing?

   

    Whatever else we say about David Cameron, he’s good on his feet.  Disregard content and his speech at conference was everything Miliband’s wasn’t. He didn’t seem to forget much of it either! In the modern world every word and gesture from potential leaders is seen and heard, so election by media, while frightening, seems inevitable. They are the message. We’re reminded of Ronald Reagan becoming President in America.  He could never be called intellectual, but he could pitch ideas with the best of them.  Like most leaders, he needed a quality ‘back office’ to come up with the ideas, but his presentation of them was always first class. A lot of good things happened on his watch and we think history will be kind to his time as President.

    Payday loan giant Wonga has announced plans to write off £220 million of loans.  It seems the money was lent to people who would never be in a position to pay it back.  What a surprise!  Clearly Wonga have never heard of precedent.  They’ve just taught 330,000 people that if you can’t pay back what you borrow, it gets written off.  What a great lesson.  I expect the folk who got away with it are checking all the other lenders, applications in hand. Jez thought it a great way to pay for a few outings and we agreed, provided he took out the loans!  We also bet that the borrowers who did pay back their loans are really happy for those who just got a free pass. 

    The Lib Dems are getting serious about next year’s election.  On Saturday, at their conference in Glasgow, they voted to legalise brothels.  In addition they voted that prostitutes could advertise or ply their trade on street corners without fear of arrest.  The right to sell sex came under the wonderful heading of ‘enshrining the right to bodily autonomy’. Try to remember the words if you are ever caught short in a public place and get arrested for doing the necessary. We can’t wait for the ladies adverts to appear on the sides of buses or taxis.  Stop me and buy one won’t just mean ice creams in future!  The economy is in a parlous state, immigration is running amok and European judges can overrule our courts, but Lib Dems concentrate on key issues.  At least it helps Labour and Conservative activists that do the hard work on the knocker as they fight for votes.  Any house with a red lamp outside will be Lib Dem.

    Gluttons for punishment, a couple of us watched about ten minutes of Vince Cables speech at conference.  It had the motivational effect of making us reach for the telephone to dial Dignitas in Switzerland.  He has a dreary way of giving the impression that he knows best for all us ordinary folk. Maybe that’s the belief you must have to become a politician. Cable is the MP for Twickenham, and we quite like the home of English rugby. But listening to the bloke they elected raises a question for us about the residents.  What is it that motivates them?  

    We can’t keep François Hollande out of the news!  A survey in La Parisienne magazine has found that most French women would not want to sleep with The President.  In his eyes, that may make the economy a minor dysfunction by comparison.  More destructive, the sexiest politician in the survey was Arnaud Montebourg, a former economy minister that Hollande sacked for criticising him.  We can’t think of any strategy that will win back the female vote for The President.      

   Professor Wayne Hall, a drugs advisor to the World Health Organisation, has just published a 20 year study into the effects of cannabis.  Far from finding it a safe drug, he dismisses the views of those who insist it is harmless, citing the growth in numbers of dependent patients seeking help to quit or control their usage during the last two decades.  We doubt his definitive analysis will have much impact on the so-called celebrities who seek to decriminalize cannabis use.  Let’s hope this report is highlighted for youngsters who are tempted to try it due to peer pressure.

    Kevin Pietersen has let rip at ex-team mates in his new autobiography, appearing hard done by one and all. Will an ego as big as his get a sympathetic response? Not unless pigs really start to fly!  The backlash started immediately, a leaked ECB document giving a very different picture.  We’re not sure where Pietersen will ply his trade in the future.  Maybe his pal Piers Morgan will bowl a few overs to him.